feeling blue...

I've been feeling really depressed over the past couple of days although I'm not entirely sure why. But I've been thinking about yesterday and a bit of today, and I think I've narrowed down why I've been so blue lately.

As some of you know, I'm graduating this spring and am in my final semester at school. After graduation, I'm going to apply to become a Certified Management Accountant (CMA). It's an accounting designation and you get to be all fancy and get paid more, and get a higher position (theoretically speaking). But seriously, you analyze the financial data and then suggest and implement strategic decisions for the company, in a nutshell.

Although it's what I want to do and I believe that it'll be beneficial for me to get this designation, the program is very expensive. It's going to cost me $75 + tax to apply to the Order (it's regulated by the Order of Certified Management Accountants of Quebec). If I get in (which I'm positive I will), it's going to cost $500 for the entrance exam (you can only write the exam if you're a member of the Order). Finally, the leadership training program is....$6000. At the end of the training program, you make a huge presentation on your case analysis with your group in front of members of the Order. In total, the CMA designation is going to cost me about $6600, and that's if I pass everything on the first shot.

Waaaah! I'm so sorry piggy T__________T

Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem but since I paid for half my CMA coaching seminars (about $600), paid for my tuition ($1400) and have paid for my flights, tours and hotels for Asia (few thousand), my bank account is looking a little empty right about now. Not to mention that for our family Cuba trip, I have to pay for that well. And there's also the actual spending in Asia too (I'm going to Tokyo and that is the motherland of kawaii so...yeah).

Initially, I was trying sell some of my kawaii so that I could use those funds to pay for some of my travel expenses and it did work for a while since people were buying (I was able to renew my passport and I am about halfway to getting my Chinese Visa), but now it has completely halted. I may need to get rid of my really special ones in hopes that people will buy, which is something that I really hope I won't have to do.

Another reason is because one of my group projects for this semester is really demanding and it's constantly on my mind. I'm with a group of 10 people and it's seriously not productive when there's that many people crammed together in a board room. It gets worse when we've been there for a few hours and we start getting tired. This project is basically a practice run for our actual CMA, we present our case analysis to members of management from various companies including the company the case is based on (they're actually having these problems in real time).

Our meetings usually end up like this, with people not paying attention. I should try this method.

Even looking at kawaii doesn't make me feel better (now THAT's something I never thought could happen!).

Even looking at this didn't make me feel better. Although it's really cute and now I want one, especially the brown one. Arpakassos, stop being so cute!

It doesn't help that I get paid peanuts at my current job, even though I am doing actual accounting work. My friends keep telling me to ask for a raise but we're a charity so I'm surprised I'm getting paid at all. I also feel that what I'm not getting in salary, I am getting in experience, which is what I really need to get into bigger companies. I also don't have a job lined-up for when I graduate but I know that certainly don't want to stay here. My boss' husband has a bookkeeping office and she told me to apply there. Hopefully, I will get hired but most importantly, I'm hoping her husband's office will pay for some of my CMA fees (since a lot of companies do that). But it's a small company so I'm not holding my breath.

There's also no point for me to look for a job right now since I'll be gone for two months during the summer, plus a week off when I'm going to Cuba with my family in August. I can't exactly tell my potential employer that I can only work for 2 months (when school is done in April), take 3 months off and then start in September. So it's hard for me to fix my poor piggy bank.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I was googling pictures of sad puppies for this post and I just made myself feel worst because those pictures are heart wretching! I won't be doing that again. Lesson learnt.

Instead, here's a picture of Obi with the cone of shame. This was taken after he was fixed.

Enough with this long boohoo post. I have kickboxing tonight so maybe a couple of punches and kicks will snap me out of this self-pitying party. Next couple of posts will be SUPER KAWAII because I just got some stuff in the mail last week. Maybe I should try playing with those kawaii items, surely tangible kawaii goods can heal all?

Nurse Kawaii, heal my broken heart (and fix my piggy bank).